Pre-Lims:
Tenerife Sun were again drawn against The Pig In The Dip. It seems we can’t
keep these two teams apart in cup competitions. The Pig In The Dips starting
score was 517 with Tenerife Sun starting on 573. In a good match it was
the in-form Tenerife Sun team who see their name go into the hat for the
first round proper draw. The result, 5- 2
Elsewhere, Bar Selecta from the second division were visited by Mally
Boo’s A. Mally Boo’s A were giving Bar Selecta a start of 128 points.
Even with a healthy head start, Bar Selecta could not pull off a shock
result and were duly beaten, the word thrashed also comes to mind, by
6 games to one.
Down on San Blas, Swiggs bar hosted division 2 high flyers The Phoenix
Bar in what promised to be a great match. Only 48 points was the starting
difference with the advantage going The Phoenix Bar. The match did live
up to its potential and in a very close game, the Phoenix Bar won by 4
games to 3.
Robbie (The 1980’s throw back) took his team La Gramola up to Valle San
Lorenzo to play The Toscales Tornadoes. La Gramola had a starting advantage
of 40 points. To be honest, I think Robbie in hindsight wished he had
stayed at home with his Ker-plunk and Bros album for comfort. The Tornadoes
were blowing like a mighty hurricane and demolished La Gramola by 7 games
to nothing. To add insult to injury, I have been informed that Robbie’s
chopper bike got a puncture on the way home and his sherbert dips fell
out of his pocket some where near Guaza.
Veronicas bar in Silencio saw both of its teams, Veronicas and Veronicas
Wanderers playing against each other in one of only two all first division
clashes of the night. With just 48 points in favour of Veronicas separating
the teams, battle commenced and what a battle it was. My comments from
last week’s column regarding how the Veronica players will be looking
to their Captain Sponge Mark Square Pants for inspiration obviously paid
off. Sponge Mark Square Pants led his troops in a fashion that General
Eisenhower would have been proud of in a match that saw more arrows thrown
than in a good Zulu film. The match went right to the wire before The
Wanderers clinched a nail biting 4 games to 3 victory. The result left
Sponge Mark and his team feeling more demoralised and unlucky than turkeys
do when they see Bernard Matthews looking at them with a thoughtful expression
on his face.
In Los Christianos, The Target Bar B team hosted Paddy O Taff’s in this
all second division clash. Only 40 points in favour of The Target chaps
separated the two teams. The match went the way of the recent form books
with Paddy O Taff’s running out 5 – 2 winners.
The Beer Engine visited Mr Booze. 16 points separated the teams with
the advantage going to Mr Booze. The Beer Engine (The Chilli Dog Crew)
delivered a painful blow to the Booze boys and inflicted on them a 6 games
to one hammering.
The Amigo Kittens played Sundowners at home. With the Kittens propping
up the division 2 table and Sundowners directly above them, the starting
points were 501 Kittens and 509 Sundowners. Sundowners were just too good
on the night for The Kittens and ran out winners by 6 games to 1.
The final game of the night was at Exiles where they played The Booze
Brothers. A massive 160 points, in favour of The Booze Brothers separated
the teams. Exiles however continued to find good form and had few problems
overcoming their opponents. 7 games to nil was the final score.
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Friday October 12th saw 16 teams from both divisions battle it out for
a place in the quarter finals of The Mr Booze Team Handicap Trophy.
This years handicap system was put into place after all the teams from
both divisions had played 10 league games. The bottom team in division
2 were given a starting score of 501, the team above them 509, above them
517 and so on up to the top of division 1 who´s starting score is 693.
This year the competition is very competitive with the emergence of some
very strong division 2 sides, Los Toscales, The Tenerife Sun and Paddy
O Taff´s to name but a few. With teams like this packed with good, solid
darts players gives the top teams in division 1 a real run for their money.
Even though I have total faith in my Exiles team mates, I believe the
trophy this year could go to a side in division 2.
The merry “ya ya” chaps from Bar El Sol, positioned in 4th spot in division
1 hosted division 2 high flyer's The Los Toscales Tornadoes. Bar El Sol
were giving The Tornadoes a start of 88 points. Even though Bar El Sol
owner Luc hit a 180 on the night, The Tornadoes were to strong and ran
out winners by 5 games to 2.
1st division Mally Boo´s B hosted Yela´s Bar. Yela´s Bar are 10th in division
2 and had an 54 point advantage over Mallies. In a close game, it was
Yelas who took the match, running out 4-3 winners.
Sundowners hosted The Tenerife Sun in a division 2 clash. Sundowners have
not had the best of seasons and are placed second from bottom of the division
whilst The Tenerife Sun are in 3rd. Sundowners had a 64 point advantage
and pushed the The Tenerife Sun team all the way before loosing by just
one game. 4-3 was the result.
Paddy O Taff´s hosted their neighbours Mally Boo´s A. In their first season
in the OasisFM darts league sponsored by Roys, Paddy´s have enjoyed a
brief spell in the division 2 top spot, however consistency seems to let
them down. It should be said however, they are still a team to be reckoned
with as division 1 heavyweights Mally Boo´s A found out. Paddy´s went
into the game with a points advantage of 120, and they used this to the
full as they convincingly beat their opponents by 5 games to 2. Even with
the points advantage that they had, I know from experience and many years
of playing the Mally Boo´s A team that the Paddy team would have had to
of played out of their skin to take the win. This result just goes to
show how tight this competition is. There are no easy games!
In Silencio, The X-Men hosted The Target Bar A. When the handicap points
were issued, only 5 places separated these teams in division 1 hence a
40 point advantage on the night for The X-Men. In a very close and edgy
match, it went with recent form and the Target Bar managed to snatch a
4-3 victory.
Another all division 1 clash was at Frosties Bar. They hosted The Veronica
Wanderers in a match that saw a points advantage to Frosties of only 8
points. The Wanderers recent run of good form continued and they beat
Frosties by 6 games to 2. The highlight of this match was Wanderers Big
Mark who hit a 154 checkout.
Another second division team to take a 1st division team scalp was Amigos.
The Beer Engine hosted the team from Los Abrigos facing a points deficit
of 40 points. At the time of writing this, I am unsure of the specific
score on the night but Amigos go into the quarter finals draw.
As some of you may have noticed, this weeks news letter has been up to
now, well, tame. Is that the right word? By this I mean that I have not
written my usual plethora (I like that word. I had never heard of it until
I met Roscoe!) of banter and mickey takes. However, I have just returned
from my customary morning cafe leche leche accompanied with a glass of
fine brandy. Whilst I was musing over my beverages, watching the world
go by and trying to figure out why abbreviation is such a long word, I
was also thinking about the characters my Exiles team mates I met on Friday
night at The Phoenix Bar.
I had never been to the Phoenix Bar before Friday night, and I have to
say, what a great bunch of chaps they are. I also never knew that Mally
from Mally Boo´s has a twin, nor did I know that one of their players
is actually a rent boy or that Harry Potter lives in Los Abrigos!.
The Phoenix Bar are flying high in the second division, currently in 2nd
spot. Exiles are still leading the first division. Exiles starting score
was 693 and were giving The Phoenix boys a start of 96 points.
First up was Welsh “The Old Pro” Terry versus “I wanna be Justin Timberlake”
Calum. After we had all exhausted ourselves by shouting at Terry to inform
him he was playing, someone turned on his hearing aid, he woke up and
it was game on and what a match it was. As you all know, Calum is a top
player but he met his match on Friday night. Terry, let me tell you all
can throw a dart. He and Calum traded 140´s and ton plus scores before
Terry hit his double to win the first leg. Into the second leg and Calum
opened up with a 180. This was followed up with Terry hitting a ton. With
both players eying finishes, Terry found himself on a score of 111. He
stepped up to ochy, placed his zimmer frame to one side and threw outer
bull followed by bull to leave himself double 18 for the match. He, fortunately
for the Exiles team missed. Calum stepped up and hit his double to finish.
1-1. The final leg was much like the first 2. It was neck and neck all
the way down to the doubles. Unfortunalty for Terry, he isn't as young
and quick as he once was, and he had a couple of darts fall out of the
board before he had time to grab his zimmer and make his way to the board
to retrieve his arrows. If you were 20 years younger eh Terry? In a nail
biting finish, with both players aiming at doubles to win, it was Calum
who hit his first. The game could so easily have gone the other way.
Next up was “Harbor” Dave versus “Paula Radcliffe” Bubbles. When I enquired
as to why The Phoenix chaps referred to Dave as “Harbor”, I was informed
that he once fell into the harbor when the tide was out. The result is
a metal plate in his skull. I was also informed that “Harbor” Dave didn't
fancy playing the mighty Exiles so he booked a one way ticket to the UK
for the night, only to be thrown out of the airport when he tried to get
threw security and the metal detectors went into melt down. He returned
to the bar but on the night Bubbles was just to good for him and ran out
the winner by 2 legs to nil.
Next up for The Phoenix was, and I do not jest, Harry Potter. His team
mates claim his real name is Paul Mason but the resemblance to the child
wizard is uncanny in every way. His size, his manorisms, his glasses.
Even his ability to vanish into thin air when it was his round. I even
questioned if he had a friend who is a ginger. He didn't reply but I doubt
he has to be honest. Anyway, Harry was drawn against Exiles Derrick Trotter.
Unfortunalty for Harry, his wizardry didn't quite work and Derrick Trotter
won by 2 legs to nil.
I stepped up next for Exiles and was drawn against Geoff from the Phoenix
Bar. When I first saw Geoff, I did a double take. Was that Mally Boo I
thought, had Mally got his fixtures wrong and gone to The Phoenix by mistake?
Mally, I am not sure your parents ever told you but you do have a twin.
I think we should all chip in and get Geoff and Mally back to the UK for
a “long lost brothers reunion show” on Jeremy Kyle. Mind you, as neither
of them has a drink, drug or violence problem, wear white socks or shell
suits, live in a tenement block in Glasgow, have an IQ below 39 or go
out with a fat bird with a foul mouth, missing teeth and who has a love
for snide Nike trainers, I doubt Jeremy Kyle would entertain them. The
first leg was close before I managed to nick my double. In the second
leg, I managed to pull away from Geoff but could not finish. Geoff stepped
up to ochy and hit his. 1-1. The tension was mounting as we headed into
the 3rd leg, and what a leg it was. I found myself shooting for a double
first but once again I could not find the target. Geoff got back into
the leg and we soon found ourselves, both shooting for the match. I required
double five but hit a single five with my last dart. Geoff, who had already
had 3 darts to win stepped up but missed. I stepped up and like a pratt
started shooting for double five again, when I in fact required a score
of 5. I took my darts from the board before realizing what I had done.
Up stepped Mally´s long lost brother again, throwing for the match. He
unbelievably missed. I stepped up and threw 1 then double 2. It was another
great game that could have easily gone either way.
Next up for The Phoenix was “cockle picker” Jack versus Exiles “I'm getting
a touch of middle aged spread” Sonic. Sonic is a well liked and well known
member of our league, but I doubt many of you actually know his FULL name,
so I will inform you all. Sonic was christened, Steven, Paul, William,
David, Jonathan, ARCHIBALD, Stanly Smith. I know what your all thinking,
Archibald!!. I am unsure as to why Jack is known as the cockle picker,
I guess he must love see food. In a close game it was Archibald who won
by 2 legs to 1. I must also mention, as Archibald has asked me to do,
that he hit a 120 checkout.
Next up was the first doubles match between “rent boy” Alan and Geoff
against Derrick Trotter and Bubbles. Alan is, I'm sure even he will agree,
a middle aged chap who, in my honest opinion would not attract the politicians,
lawyers or any members of The Pink Panther club for business. I was therefore
relieved to find out he is in fact a letting agent, hence the nickname.
Derrick Trotter and Bubbles were to strong for Geoff and the rent boy
and duly won by 2 legs to nothing.
The final game of the night saw Harry Potter and Welsh “zimmer” Terry
take on Calum, and making his league debut, young Joe Axel. Joe aged just
13, was thrust by team captain Derrick Trotter into the fray, however,
young Joe didn't have an Exiles shirt to wear. I duly offered young Joe
my shirt, he accepted and we swapped. Never before in my life, nor ever
again will you ever see me in an Arsenal shirt. I had to shower when I
got home, I felt dirty! I doubt you will ever see Joe in my darts shirt
again either. You had a job to see him on the night. When he put it on,
he vanished, it went right down to his ankles. Young Joe played really
well and hit some good scores. Even though he was on the losing side by
2 games to one, the smile on his face told us all he had enjoyed himself
and lets face it, that is what our great league and our Friday night darts
is all about.
A great night was had by all at The Phoenix on Friday, and even though
Exiles won the match by 6 games to 1, all credit must go to Geoff and
his team for being really good company, for joining in and giving back
as much banter as they took and for the lovely curry. It was great to
meet you all at The Phoenix at last! |
